If Only
by Ganondorfs Mistress
Summary: Lanen Cousland was living her normal life when a certain man came along and everything changed. Please R&R. Tips are welcome.
1. Beginnings

It was almost an ordinary day in Highever. Lanen Cousland woke early just like every other morning and did her usual routine. She brushed out her long auburn hair and set it back in a ponytail with a few strands sticking out in front of her face. Something felt wrong though, like something big was going to happen and it made her stomach feel a bit queasy. Staring into her violet eyes she started to list off all her imperfections: her lips were too big, her nose was too large or her breasts weren't big enough. Getting frustrated she tore her gaze away from mirror. She hated when she did that. She had no wish what so ever to be vain about her appearance. If a man can't accept her for who she is then Maker help her make it through a lonely life. She donned her armor and swords before striding out her door towards the kitchen. She wolfed down a quick breakfast before heading out to the training grounds.

There she practiced her skills. She twirled gracefully behind a dummy before back stabbing it in the back of the skull. _Head shot!_ She exclaimed gleefully in her head. She trained the early morning hours away working up a good sweat when she felt eyes watching her. Acting as though she didn't notice she continued practicing while searching for the peeping tom. It was a bit hard to focus when it felt like there was an itch in her back that she just couldn't reach. Spinning around with both sword and dagger outstretched she spotted the culprit. It was a man with dark brown hair in shining armor. He seemed well armed by the sword pommels sticking out from behind him. She lifted her gaze to his own and her heart lurched causing her to stop what she was doing and just stare. He took notice and locked gazes with her. He was surprised that she could sense him let alone find him. He was not a novice in the art of being a rogue. A small smile graced his lips before he promptly turned and left. He knew exactly whom he wanted to take with him when he left and he couldn't help the smile on his face.

Something was definitely off about today. She had never seen that man in her life and had never seen anyone with such striking eyes. The fact that he had left made her curious. She wanted to know more about him. When she finished with washing herself off properly she sought out her father. Maybe he knew more about the stranger in their castle. She found him in front of the hearth speaking to the same man that had been watching her earlier.

"Ah and this must be your daughter you speak so highly about Bryce." His voice was so dark and low. Sounding like it rumbled from his chest, it made her shiver.

"Yes this is Lanen. Lanen this is the Grey Warden Duncan, he is recruiting. I'm sure that you remember who the Grey Wardens are." Her father introduced her with a warm smile.

"Yes father I remember that they were warriors of remarkable skill coming from many places. They are highly renowned for their fights against the Blight and Archdemon." She grinned when Duncan looked surprised by her opinion of them but he quickly regained composure and flashed her a grin in return. Her stomach did a flip-flop and her cheeks burned. If he had seen her reaction he made no notion that he did and she was grateful for it. At that moment Arl Howe walked in with a greasy smile and pig like eyes. She had never liked him and always got a sick feeling when he was around. She would always catch his eyes drift to her cleavage and lick his lips. She had spoken to her father about it but he said that Arl Howe was an honorable man and would never try anything on her or anyone. It still didn't reassure her. It seemed as though Duncan got the same impression because his eyes instantly narrowed upon his arrival.

"There you are Howe I would like you to meet Duncan, head of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden"

"Ah Bryce I did not know we had guests of such stature here, I feel that I am at a disadvantage." He nervously looked about with his beady eyes until his eyes landed on her. He seemed to calm down as his eyes traveled her form. She felt herself recoil in disgust inwardly when a large body placed himself between them.

"Arl Howe is it? I don't think we've ever met." There was a note in Duncan's voice that left an underlying threat. From the way Howe's face scrunched up from the handshake Lanen could tell he was putting more pressure then he had to. She giggled to herself at the expense of the man's pain. Her father turned to her as Howe and Duncan chatted telling her to relay to her brother Fergus to go on and march ahead of him. Nodding she gave a quick glance back at Duncan that he caught and inclined his head politely as she left. But those eyes of his were so mesmerizing it left her almost breathless. She was headed to her room to calm down when Ser Gilmore called her out. Apparently her Mabari had gotten into the larder and she had to go fetch him. Maker's Breath it was going to be a long day. So Ser Gilmore followed her as she made her way to the kitchen again. The cook was going on and on about how she was going to leave and the Mabari was a worthless mutt. Lanen hadn't the patience to deal with her so she brushed past and opened the door to the larder. There her Mabari, Akor was growling and barking with his ears pressed back. Instantly she was in a defensive stance drawing her swords out. Large rats started pouring out from beneath kitchen supplies and cracks in the walls. She quirked an eyebrow but began stabbing the vermin as they tried pitifully to bite through her leather armor. Akor ferociously tore into the rats ripping them to shreds. It was over in a matter of seconds even before Ser Gilmore had a chance to draw his sword out. Lanen turned and swore out of the corner of her eye she saw shining armor and a dark brown ponytail disappear out a doorway.

So he had been watching her again. Just in case he was still watching she felt bold and stretched her body letting her breasts be pushed out and her back arch. She gave a moan of satisfaction as she felt her spine pop into place. A cough to her left caught her attention and she noticed Ser Gilmore standing there looking abashed with his cheeks a bright red. She laughed aloud and clapped him on the back for a job well done before striding out. She found her brother in his room saying goodbye to his wife and son.

"Makers Breath what happened to you girl?" Fergus exclaimed at seeing her with blood spatters on her armor.

She smiled "Oh nothing much you know how it is. Getting into fights with enormous rats and all. They really do bleed a lot don't they?" she asked as she looked down at her armor.

"By enormous rats you don't mean Arl Howe do you?" he asked with a dubious look on his face.

She laughed at the absurdity of her own brother thinking that she would kill Howe despite how much she disliked him. "No dear brother I did not even touch him. There actually were large rats in the larder that me and Akor here took care of." She patted her Mabari on the head and he barked approvingly. Her father walked in and told Fergus of the news himself.

Quietly she dismissed herself and went to her room and drew a hot bath. Smiling she poured scented lotion in and immersed herself in the steaming peach smelling water. A sigh escaped soft pink lips as the water soothed her aches and made her loll her head to the side. Grabbing a cloth she started scrubbing off the blood as crimson stained the clear water. Eventually it got too red and she got out and wrapped herself in a towel. A knock emanated from the door as she dried herself off. Making sure that nothing was showing she made her way to the door and opened it a crack. Seeing whom it was she opened it further. His remarkable eyes noticed what she was wearing or rather what she was _not_ wearing and his stance stiffened and his eyes shot back up to hers. She could see a hint of a blush in his dark skin. The smell of peaches wafted off of her and enticed his senses. Coincidentally peaches were his favorite thing to eat. _I would love to nibble on her delicious flesh and feel her-_ he stopped that thought and struggled to keep it away from the front of his mind. Maker have mercy it was hard not to think about it when she stood there in nothing but a towel with her hair still dripping from her bath.

"I came to see if you were alright my lady. I had heard you had to fight some rather vicious rats and when you left you were covered in blood." His eyes never left her blazing amethysts. She laughed knowingly as her voice drifted like a sweet melody in his ears. He savored the sound and memorized it storing it away in his mind. "Well if you are fine enough to be in such a mood then perhaps I should not have needed to check on you."

Her face softened "Thank you Ser Duncan your kindness does not go unnoticed but I think we should continue our conversation later when I'm not in such a immodest appearance."

His eyes darkened as he replied "My lady as immodest it may be I cannot but help myself but say I rather enjoy seeing you so immodestly." He could not believe what his own traitorous mouth was saying. He was supposed to be a gentleman and here he was flirting with a girl that had to at least be 10 years younger than himself. But he saw her beautiful face turn the cutest shade of red that he thought it was almost worth it. Almost. Before he said anything else he rushed away and down the hall without another word. She stood there a moment before going back to what she had previously been doing but in a much better mood. She lay down in bed in just her undergarments and snuggled her blankets close. Sleep came swiftly but the smile never left her face.


	2. Filling The Void

Lanen awoke to loud crashes and shouts of men. Akor growled at the door menacingly. Gingerly she got out of bed, her senses already alert. Opening the chest at the foot of her bead she quick slipped into her armor and drew out her weapons. Swinging the door open Akor raced across the room and lunged onto the neck of an archer as a swordsman swung at her. She parried the blow with ease and slit his throat. She took notice of the emblem on the man's shield. Arl Howe. Another man rushed her and she disposed of him just as easily as the other.

Just as she wiped her blades off on their clothes her mother ran in wearing similar armor and a long bow strapped on her back. She embraced her child, squeezing her.

"My dear child I am so relieved you are alright. Where are Fergus's wife and son? Why is Arl Howe attacking us?" Worry was laced in every word she spoke and her eyes looked forlorn.

"Please mother if you are in any shape to fight we need to find everyone as soon as we can." She tried to give her something to focus on. To get her going. It worked because her mother agreed and they went to check her brother's room. One swift look inside was enough to know. Lanen shut down at the sight and a ruthless rogue took her place. Her mother cried as they hurried on.

They encountered small groups of Howe's men but took care of them without any problems. Clearly they were lacking in fighting skills. It was almost like dancing around the practice dummies they were so stiff. Her blades twirled and slashed at vital points dropping men like flies.

They made their way to the vault and took everything they could especially the family sword.

"The servants entrance in the kitchen! That's where your father should be. He would think we would try to escape." Her mother exclaimed, hope shining in her eyes.

Lanen mutely nods her head and catches a glimpse of the soldiers and Ser Gilmore trying to hold the gate shut. _You will be avenged my friend. _She thought bitterly. On their way to the larder room they ran into one of Arl Howe's higher ranks. He was actually a challenge. Lanen sliced and stabbed trying to get a good hit beneath his armor as her mother fended off the other soldiers with Akor. He got a good slice on her cheek and she stumbled back. He laughed and advanced. Angry she swiped his feet out beneath him with her leg then jumped atop him sliding her dagger into his revealed throat. Blood spurted from his mouth onto her face. She leaped off and ran towards the kitchen again with her mother and Akor in tow.

When they reached the larder room Bryce Cousland was clutching his side in pain with blood pooling around him.

"Bryce!"

"Father!"

They screamed in unison running to him.

"Please both of you, you must go now. Howe's men can't be far behind. Hurry!" He pleaded while blood leaked from him mouth.

"He is right we must go now before Howe's men get here." A deep voice rumbled from the doorway. His usual shining armor was now covered in blood and the sparkling eyes were dull.

"Duncan thank the Maker you are okay!" relief was evident in Lanen's voice which confused her mother and father greatly, then realization dawned on them.

"Lanen go with Duncan and take Akor with you. I will stay by your fathers side until the end." Turning to her husband she whispered, "Till death do us part." Grim determination painted her face and Bryce couldn't help but smile at her courage and devotion.

"No! I don't want to leave you! I will stay and fight with you both! Please don't do this to me!" tears streamed freely down her face as they both shook their heads.

"My dear you still have your whole life to live. Don't throw it away. Avenge us pup. We will be waiting for you in the end." Sobbing broke free as Duncan asked Bryce something before ushering Lanen out the passage. She fought with him, clawing and biting to try and get back to her parents. Keeping a strong grip on her, he warned her if she kept on with her antics she would get them all killed. Looking as if he slapped her across the face her usual fiery eyes went lifeless and she trudged beside him like a zombie. He felt a pang of guilt but knew it was for the best.

They traveled the night and whole rest of the day with barely any stops. That night he decided it was safe enough to set up camp. They had a long way to go before they got to Ostagar. He worried what might happen if he left her alone, so they went to get firewood together. He built a small fire and shared some of his rationed jerky and cheese with her. Dirt covered her weary face and her hair stuck out in all different places as she stared into the fire. So many emotions rolled off of her it was almost confusing. Deciding to let her mourn silently he led her to a small stream and sat her down. Ripping some of his shirt off he dipped it into the water and began cleaning her face. He couldn't help his heart going out to her. His body no longer followed what his brain said when he was around her.

Gently he rubbed at the dirt and tear streaks with the cloth. She stirred beneath his touch but said nothing. He smoothed down her hair as best he could with hands. Even after everything she felt so soft and silky against him. That's when he noticed the long cut on her left cheek. It was going to leave a scar. When he was done he lifted her back up and towards the fire. He set his bedroll down close to the blaze and let her sleep. Before she passed out she whispered thank you.

Duncan sat cross-legged leaning back against a tree. Alone to his thoughts he began to muse about the events that had just transpired. He couldn't help but feel lucky despite all the death that occurred. If he hadn't been there when he was he would have lost a good recruit and a strong beautiful woman that brought back emotions he thought he had sealed away. His eyes strayed to her sleeping form. Even in the thick blankets he could make out the curve of her body. How it enticed him in every way imaginable. From the crook of her neck to the curve of her hips she was entrancing. Not long after he started watching her she started to whimper in her sleep. Her eyes scrunched up and her fists clenched in the fabrics. "No" tumbled from her lips over and over again like a mantra.

He wanted to do something to help when she sat bolt upright and gave a blood-curdling scream. Tears ran anew from her violet eyes. She searched around until her gaze landed on him and she began to visibly relax. Drawing the blanket around her she got up and shuffled towards him. She lay down in front of him rested her head on his thigh. He smelled of wood smoke and leather. Her breathing evened out and she fell into a deep dreamless sleep. Duncan thought about moving until she snuggled up even closer to him. He sighed at his predicament and put a comforting hand on her arm. It wasn't long when his head sank down to his chest and he to passed into the dream world.

Sleepily he opened his eyes to greet a new day. He had slept the entire night! Also he hadn't had any darkspawn dreams. It was the best sleep he had had in years. Realizing he was lying down he began to search for his charge. He found her sitting beside him staring intently into the fire. Something smelled of cooked meat. Letting her think he was still asleep his eyes traced over her body. She was only in trousers and a loose shirt with the top left open leaving her cleavage exposed. Her pale skin looked so creamy he wanted to lick her breasts to taste her. It wasn't until a moan escaped her mouth that he realized he _had_ licked over the tops of her breasts. Hastily he retreats back as her eyes intently regard him. She stands and walks over to him, her hips swaying. Delicate hands place themselves on his chest as she leans up staring into his eyes. Blood rushed through his body as her hands and looks made him want nothing more than to make her his.

She closed the distance and pressed her lips to his. Fire burned in both their bodies as he pulled her close growling into her mouth. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip almost begging to be let in. She obliges and parts her lips allowing him to explore the moist cavern of her mouth. She whimpers as his tongue dances with hers. Not only does she smell of peaches but she tastes of them too he marks. His hands play along her stomach. It was soft to the touch but there was hard muscle underneath. Realizing what he was doing he pulled back and held her back with both hands.

She squirmed and looked at him with those pleading lust filled eyes. It was almost his undoing but years of discipline finally paid off.

"No Lanen I'm sorry but I can't let you do this. As much as I enjoy it I wont let you do this to yourself. You're hurting and vulnerable because of what happened. Please heed my advice." He could barely get the words out as desire tightened his throat. His voice was deeper and alluring while lust still had him in her grasp. Lanen stopped moving and just looked morosely into his kind eyes. Now she couldn't stop the crying as he pressed her close and wrapped his arms protectively around her small frame. He laid his chin in her fiery tresses and closed his eyes. She cried until there were no more tears left but still clung to him like a lifeline. He took the cooked rabbit from the fire and sat down on a log. His arm was around her shoulder the whole time they ate. Sometimes a small tremor would shake her body and he would just squeeze her tight.

They traveled in companionable silence for a few days until she finally came out of her shell and began asking him questions about the Grey Wardens. He told her as much as he could about them and she paid rapt attention. They grew closer to each other and their destination with each passing day. He began to dread when they would arrive, he wanted to travel with her forever. It just felt so right to be with her. When they made camp for the final time it was in some old ruins. They were soaked to the bone and freezing by the time they got there. It had been raining since dawn break. Fortunately there was dry wood stacked in a corner. Hastily they built a blaze big enough to warm them. Stripping off most of their clothing they laid it beside the fire to dry.

Again he could not help but notice how soft she looked even with honed muscles. Reaching out a hand he turned her around and gazed longingly into her purple orbs. They take his breath away.

Clearing his throat he barely whispers, "This will be our last night alone together. Tomorrow we will be in Ostagar and things will change." Sadness is etched into his face and he sees she nods her head understanding. He wonders if he will ever have moments like this with her again. His train of thought is broken when again she presses her lips to his. This time he can't hold back. He pulls her towards him until their bodies are flush against each other. His nails drag lightly down her back as she breaks the kiss to moan and arch her back into his touch.

He feels disgusted with himself as he slides his hands back up and unhooks her bra. He felt like an old monster violating a precious gem. She seemed to read his mind as she let her bra fall and her perfect breasts press deliciously against his chest.

"Duncan you are the most handsome and kindest man I have ever known. I have never wanted anyone more than how I want no _need you_." She purred the last part. Relief washed over him as he kissed her with renewed vigor. Rough hands grab her soft mounds and knead them, flicking his fingers over her nipples. She writhes in his grip as her soft kisses move to sucking and biting on his strong corded neck. His dark skin against her own is a stark contrast but it made him all the more exotic. Slowly he leads her to the bedroll and lays her down atop it. Her legs fell open as he settled himself between them grinding against her trying to build up her pleasure. Her mind became foggy as she felt his hot arousal against her own creating the most amazing friction.

He groaned at the sight of her so helpless to his ministrations. She was clearly a virgin in every way possible. He became even harder at the thought that he will be the first to have such a beautiful creature at his mercy.

"Duncan" she panted his name, "whatever it is your supposed to do please do it. I need it Duncan. I need you" lust dripped hotly from every word and who was he to deny her request. Moving back she gave a groan in irritation at the loss but he swiftly pulled both his and her undergarments off and placed himself back on top of her. Taking a round orb into his mouth he sucked and let his hand travel over her abdomen and downwards. Lightly he rubbed that certain area and she grabbed his hand pressing it harder against her. He drew circles faster and faster as her breathing became labored gasps and her hands clawed at his back. Fire was coursing through her veins and pooling above where he did wonderful things with his hand. Her ecstasy reached a crescendo as she screamed his name out loud. He growled lowly in barely restrained passion.

He had to make her first time be the best he could. Gauging by the way she reacted to his touches and when she came meant she was even a virgin to her own hand. How could something so amazing be so untouched and pure? She came down from her high and fluttered her eyelids until they opened.

"Is that what it is supposed to feel like? Because I've heard from some girls it can be pretty bad. I think you have all their men beat 10 times over." She giggled in delight and a sparkle shown in her eyes.

He chuckled, "My dear we have only just begun there are so many more things that we could do and trust me it will feel much better than what you just experienced." Dark forbidden promises were hidden in his words.

"Duncan if I feel anymore than that I'm afraid I might actually explode from all the feelings." She gawked.

"That's not far off of what I'm trying to do." He teased his dark eyes twinkling. She blushed from the tips of her ears to the ends of her toes. He watched the red creep its way across her body entranced by her beauty. Distracting her with kisses and love bites on her neck he sneaked his hand down and slipped a finger into her tight wetness. She moaned aloud at the intrusion as he stroked her inside. He added another finger and watched as she pushed her hips against his fingers. She began to feel something that made it impossible to think and made every nerve inside her tingle with pleasure.

"Duncan," she gasps, "can I touch you?" her melodic innocent voice nearly drove him insane but he grabbed her hand and led it down to him. They both gasped aloud as her small hand encircled his rather large length. Slowly oh so slowly she moved her hand up and down as he elicited whimpers and moans with his deft fingers. One more finger and he deemed her ready. He removed her hand from him reluctantly and pulled his fingers out.

"Are you ready my dear?" he almost growls out. He needs to have her _now_. Too caught up in the whirlwind of ecstasy to speak she just nods her head. Bracing himself with one hand to the side of her head and the other guiding him in. he presses the tip to her and slowly pushes in. A soft "mmm" vibrates from her chest as he pushes in the rest of the way breaking her virginity. She is so tight and hot he can barely keep a hold of himself. She seems unperturbed by him breaking her maidenhead, which confuses him. He had heard stories of how it hurt for a woman the first time. He just assumes the men were clumsy and gets back to the task at hand. Her. She pants and gasps as he starts a slow, deep pace. His hand tangles in her hair as he kisses her. They are joined in the most intimate way possible and both are enjoying it to the fullest. Lightning is shooting through his body with each sound that escapes her throat.

She is breathless with each strong thrust of his broad muscled body. Sweat glistens off of him in the firelight. Her befuddled mind can only comprehend that the one man who saved her and stole her heart in a couple of weeks was now making love to her. Maker have mercy it is much better than hearing stories from other girls chatting away about their pretty boys. She had a man. His scent filled her with each breath and she could almost taste him. He picks up the pace as he swells larger inside her. Grabbing her hip tightly in one hand he slams into her faster and faster until she is screaming and he knows her voice will be hoarse tomorrow but he cant help but feel smug that he is doing this to her. He is the one making her feel this way. Leaning down he began to leave a trail of visible love bites down her neck and over her breasts. He wanted everyone who looked at her to know that she was taken and no one else could have her.

Their pleasure is reaching a peak when its all he can do but buck into her. Both emitted sounds of passion without any regard to the thoughts that someone outside somehow could be listening to the sounds of their lovemaking. Lanen screamed as unbelievable ecstasy washed and pounded through her body. Duncan groaned as his body jerked and pushed his seed deep inside her. Collapsing to the side he pulled out and put the blankets over them. He wrapped his strong arms around her and let her settle her back against his chest. The beating of his heart began to slow down from his exertions and he gave a contented sigh. A cat like purr emanated from his beautiful lover while she pressed her round firm butt against him. She flipped atop him giving him a mischievous grin. He couldn't help but laugh at his good fortune. It was going to be a long, long night.


End file.
